Pretending to Listen is Pretending to Understand

Marc LeVine

Marc LeVine

Talent Acquisition and Learning and Development Lead at Thermo Systems

Published Dec 3, 2021

How often do we find ourselves already thinking about what we are going to say, before the other person has stopped talking?

In the age of sound bytes and distractions, active listening has become a rarity. We need to find more patience to absorb and process whatever is being said to us, before reacting to it in small bits and pieces.

Active listening is all about paying full attention to others and not allowing any distractions to prevent them from being heard and understood.

To become an active listener, there are several things one must do:

  1. Show the Speaker You are Listening. Face whoever is speaking to you and maintain good eye contact. Don't be disrespectful and make others feel ignored. We all want to be "heard." Be sure to give others your full attention, when they are doing the talking.
  2. Don't Be Too Quick to Judge. Judgemental people often tune out others much too soon. Listen - in full - before forming any opinions. Perhaps, what you wish to know is coming soon. Don't jump to conclusions. Let the conversation play out.
  3. Let Each Word Speak for Itself. Words matter. Listen carefully to every spoken word; paying close attention to meaning, context and emotions. Otherwise, you risk misinterpretation, misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Think about what bigger picture is being painted for you by expression?
  4. Never Interrupt or Force Your Conclusions on Others. Try not to be impatient with others, who may not make their point(s) as quickly as you may like them to. And, avoid rushing to complete other people's sentences, before they are finished explaining things in their own words. When you try to "understand people too fast" you tend to get much of it wrong and damage your relationships with others.
  5. Hold your Questions. Give the speaker the opportunity to pause before cutting them off with questions they may already be in the process of answering.
  6. Ask Questions that Clarify and Not Derail. Be sure to remain on-topic when asking questions, rather than bringing up unrelated things that only confuse the messaging taking place. If you cause the speaker to go off track, it is your responsibility to guide them back to the intended topic.
  7. Try to Feel What the Speaker is Feeling. Connect with the speaker. Try your best to be empathetic and show it in your facial expressions and body language. Display your appreciation for their joy and remorse for their sorrow.
  8. Reinforce the Speaker's Messaging. Prove to whomever is talking that you are actively listening by restating what you are hearing and nodding your approval or acknowledging their sorrow. For example, if another person shares their joy about something with you, acknowledge this by saying "you must be thrilled."
  9. Pay attention to Body Language. Not everything is expressed in words, alone. Watch for physical signs of a whole range of non-verbal expressions that may be indicative of a wide variety of emotions you probably wish to factor into what was spoken.

Active listening allows for making proper judgements and sound decisions based on a clear understanding of what is being shared by others. We owe anyone communicating with us our full attention and the opportunity to be heard exactly the way they may intend.

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Marc LeVine is a graduate of Syracuse (NY) University with a degree in Industrial Psychology, Marc is currently Talent Acquisitions and Learning and Development Lead at Thermo Systems. His prior employment includes senior Human Resources and staffing industry management roles with Edgewood Properties in Piscataway, Brickforce Staffing in Edison, InfoPro Inc. in Woodbridge and Plainsboro and Harvard Industries in Farmingdale, NJ, a former Fortune 500 company. He also served as Director of Human Resources for New Jersey Press, the parent company of the Asbury Park Press, Home News and Tribune and WKXW-NJ101.5. Earlier in his career, Marc served as Director of Career Services and Placement at Union Technical Institute in Eatontown and Neptune, NJ. In addition, Marc owned and operated Integrity Consulting Associates, a Human Resources consulting firm in Freehold for 11 years.

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